May Passion Be The Fire, That Fuels Your Purpose And Ignites Your Profession.

I have struggled so much with this world “Passion”. At first, I swore by it. I believed that if I found my passion that’s it, I would have made it. That journey was a lot harder than I thought. I always presumed that following your passion leads to money. If my passion does not bring me instant monetary benefits then that’s it, I’ve failed. So, I toyed with the idea of “my passions”. What types of things have I looked at as my passion? First being Accountancy & Finance. In my teens I thought that is all I wanted to do, but soon after, two years into my degree I realised, that was not my passion, it was my dad’s. I wish I could have fulfilled it for him, but my heart, soul and mind could not commit to this. There were a few careers I looked at thinking “yep Project Management is my passion” so I did my PRINCE2 qualification, “no HR is”, so I did my CIPD qualification, “actually I love events as I enjoyed my time working as an Event Manager, so that MUST be it”- so I started an Events Company. I struggled so much with this company not because I couldn’t do it, I can plan and execute an event with my eyes closed. It just did nothing for me inside. Surely this can’t be what passion feels like?

It came to a point where I just thought forget it maybe I won’t be the person who gets to do the job/ career path that she really wants to do; so, I gave in and decided teaching is what I should do; but yet again I hit a block, I messed up my science GCSE’s when I was younger; so there I go again enrolling on a course thinking that doing this course will lead me to THE job. I start revising for my GCSE Biology, now I have a fear of exams. I hate them, my memory is not wired to retain information and spit it back up at the request of an examiner, but I thought no you need this, you want to be a teacher. I revised and revised, I practiced questions; I was ready for my exam, for the first time ever. I went to sit the paper, I had never felt so ready; I sat down, opened the paper, and my mind starting FREAKING out!! This was not what I revised!!! These topics were not meant to be on this paper! I had to take some deep breaths! And think okay you got this! Don’t know what is going on, but you got this. Anyway, I finished the exam, spoke to the teacher and she asked to show me her my textbook, so she could show me what was on the next paper, gave it to her, she looked at me and said……” This is the wrong textbook; you’re sitting the wrong paper!” I just laughed! I thought what else can I do; this is literally what happens to me all the time!!! Well anyway my husband had ordered the wrong fricking textbook! I just remember thinking that day; yeah, teaching isn’t meant to happen ha-ha! which is fine because it wasn’t something that made the fire in my belly rise! I am taking it as a sign that God / Universe does not want me to do this.

After another thing just not “working out” I had to talk to myself and think, what do I enjoy, I always run to courses, PRINCE 2, CIPD, GCSE; maybe I think they will give me validation? And at times I still think I cannot be successful if I don’t have the relevant course! It bugs me, as it is so deep within my blood, that you have to be qualified on a piece of paper to be able to speak about something, but truth is I enjoy helping people, I enjoy looking at things differently, I enjoy motivating others, finding options for others. I DO NOT NEED A PIECE OF PAPER TO TELL ME HOW TO DO THIS. I motivate people, I am many people’s hype-woman! and I am someone people can talk to, with no judgement. I have been helping people for years. I just want to offer a safe space where people can talk and be who they want to be, without the fear of being judged.

The realisation that I can start a blog, write a book or do whatever other little projects I want to do, basically having many different projects is my “passion” it is something I have always wanted to do, but always found an excuse not to do it, but this is my time to start my journey. It gives me MY purpose. Writing my story knowing, it may resonate with others.

This is not to say I wouldn’t do a “9-5” job, if something came around that I loved, I would do it and one day I do want to sit an exam, not because I need the validation of a qualification, because I want to overcome a fear of an exam!

I can now say I have understood that my passion or passions can lead to my purpose and the next stage, I believe, is your purpose then leads to a profession. So here is to me following my passion.